Buddy Bizarre
by ChaosComix
Summary: While Dean and Sam are in Jensen and Jared's place, Dean and Sam's counterparts end up in theirs. The other half of "The French Mistake" episode. Canon!verse characters from Meta!verse. Head canon ideas kind of exploded on Tumblr, and this is the end result. Title is a Blazing Saddles reference.
1. Chapter 1

**_Buddy Bizarre_** Chapter 1/?

**Summary**: While Dean and Sam are in Jensen and Jared's place, Dean and Sam's counterparts end up in theirs. The other half of "The French Mistake" episode. Canon!verse + characters from Meta!verse. Head canon ideas kind of exploded on Tumblr, and this is the end result. Title is a Blazing Saddles reference.  
**Rating**: T  
**Spoilers**: None really, but it takes place at the same time as 6.15. Also, I assume you should be familiar with the SpN Meta!verse of French Mistake  
**Warnings:** First fanfic. Not the first thing I've written but still requires a warning, yes? I also have no clue how to use this site, but I'm learning.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 1: Now You're Doing the French Mistake  
**

The glass shatters under the weight of a violently thrown Sam and Dean. That part, at least, was to be expected. The part that wasn't expected happened immediately after they crash through the glass. As soon as the brothers finish passing through the frame of the now destroyed window, they vanish.

Virgil turns to face Balthazar and snarls, "What did you do?"

Balthazar smirks and casually brushes off one of his shoulders, "I simply sent them somewhere where neither you, nor Raphael can get them." After deciding his clothes were a lost cause, he glances up at Virgil, and his smirk widens into a large grin. Clearly proud of his actions and the situation that has come of it he continues, "As is the key to the weapons vault."

The weapons' master had been quickly approaching Balthazar, but upon hearing the last remark, he falls just short and immediately stops. A few moments of silence passed with their eyes trained on one another, and neither made an attempt to move. The only sound is the downpour of rain and occasional burst of thunder as lightning rips across the sky outside. Sighing, the rebel angel finally breaks off the staring contest and carefully adjusts his shirt make sure his earlier wound is concealed and then crosses his arms. All while attempting not to wince at the sudden bolt of pain from his left side due to the sudden movement.

Confident that Virgil is still unaware of Balthazar's injury, he happily takes a moment to break the already uncomfortable silence. "I see the wheels in your head turning, but you're not much without your orders. Are you?"

Glaring at his cocky brother, Virgil straightens up and growls, "This isn't over."

As soon as the words are said, he disappears with the sound of fluttering wings just barely heard over the storm. Presumably to ask Raphael for their next plan of action. Whatever the case may be, Balthazar is just glad to be rid of him.

"I hate it when they say that."

Now that all of the problems are out of the way, Balthazar takes a moment to look around the room and survey the damages. Bobby Singer's living room is in disarray between the fighting and the wind from the current storm blowing in through the window. Well, what's left of it. Papers are strewn about and books from the desk and several shelves have now found their way to the floor. Half of the room is already completely wet from the rain, and most of which shouldn't be including previously mentioned books and papers. The left overs of whatever spell Balthazar had used to send off the hunters to only God knows where, not that anyone could ask Him though, has somehow spilled onto Singer's couch.

"Well, that went better than I thought it would."

His amusement, however, turns to confusion when he hears someone groaning. _Someones_ groaning. Balthazar is fairly certain who these _someones_ are, but that doesn't stop him from peering out over the remains of the older and far grumpier hunter's living room window. Sure enough, the pained sounds are coming from the now very wet and covered in glass Winchester brothers.

Another sound of fluttering wings is heard behind Balthazar as problem one and problem two start to stir to consciousness. Balthazar sighs again and drops his head slightly before he turns to find he is in the close proximity of one very perturbed Castiel. Just as Castiel opens his mouth to say something to Balthazar, something that the blond imagines can't be good, the older Winchester yells out.

"What the hell?"

The two angels turn to face the hunters who are completely soaked and furious at the fact. Sam's anger seems to fade as he looks up and around, while Dean continues to be annoyed at his state of attire.

"It didn't say anything about being wet. I hate being wet! And what is this? Real glass? You guys will be lucky if I don't sue-" Dean trails off as he finally glances up. He notices the winged rebels for the first time, who are still inside the house and just simply staring at them.

Sam steps over the window frame into the house followed by Dean, both baffled by the surroundings almost like they have never seen the place before. The younger Winchester's eyes are more focused on trying to avoid stepping on anything, which is proving more difficult as Bobby's belongings are blown around the room. Regardless, he says to no one in particular, "Umm. What's going on?"

Thunder and lightning erupt from the storm outside, something that causes both Sam and Dean to jump. Castiel tilts his head as he curiously studies the two. Then as quickly as the expression came, it's gone. Now the darker haired angel steps closer and his expression carries an intensity that causes both humans to shift nervously under Castiel's scrutiny.

Sam clears his throat and smiles in an attempt to mask his rapidly growing nervousness, "Wow, Misha. You've gotten really g-"

"You are not Sam and Dean Winchester."

Sam or '_Sam_' is taken aback as Castiel spins to face the other angel with a glare. Balthazar simply scoffs, "What? This was your idea. How was I supposed to know what was going to happen?"

'Sam' turns and shoots 'Dean' a questioning look, while pointing a thumb in the heavenly beings' direction. 'Dean' shrugs in a mix of confusion and annoyance. The taller human steps closer to the other and whispers, "What's going on?"

The older brother seems angry at the fact the younger one is even attempting to talk to him, but answers regardless. "I don't know."

"Where's the cameras?"

"I don't know."

"And the rest of the crew?"

"I don't know!"

The two are rapidly becoming irritated at the situation and each other. Their voices gradually getting louder until the two supposed Winchesters are yelling at one another. "You really don't know anything, do you?"

'Dean' sneers at 'Sam' while jabbing a finger into his brother's chest, "Now listen here you-"

"**ENOUGH**." Thunder and lightning appears once again as Castiel's voice booms, hints of what seems to be the angel's true voice coming through to the surface. It's not as strong to break anything, but still shakes the house down to its very foundation. The two 'hunters' stare at Castiel in what he considers to be somewhere between awe and complete terror. He's also fairly certain he even heard one of them whimper.

Definitely not the Winchesters.

Balthazar, who has been enjoying the scene transpire, up to this point grins at Castiel, "Look at you, Cassie. Do they always get you this worked up?"

Castiel rolls his eyes, a bad habit he has picked up over time, and faces away from the humans and his increasingly bothersome brother. He knows better than to answer Balthazar's question because answering will only make matters worse, namely incite more of his friend's teasing. Right now, Castiel's main concern is to figure out where the plan went wrong. It's possible the spell didn't properly work or one of the ingredients was incorrect, but that couldn't be the right. Balthazar and Castiel spent days planning this. Everything was perfect. He knew it was. So where did the plan go wrong?

As Castiel faces away from the group thinking about the current issue the shock is finally dissipating and 'Sam' steps forward, albeit hesitantly. "Hey. Misha?"

Castiel spins around to face the group once again, eyebrows furrowed and head tilted to the side, "I don't understand that reference. You keep calling me a misha. What is a misha?"

'Dean' bursts into laughter. "Oh!" Trying to stifle the laughing to be able to talk, "Oh, I get it! Ok. You guys really got me. This is for last week, isn't it?"

'Sam' joins in the laughter, "Come on man, that was just a joke." He attempts to give Castiel a friendly push on the shoulder, and doesn't fail to notice that the short angel doesn't even budge at the gesture. Balthazar raises an eyebrow as Castiel continues to stare down the two humans.

Castiel then grips the two impostors' shoulders, "We don't have time for this."

Fake Sam and fake Dean, as Castiel has currently decided to refer to them, jerk at the contact and their laughter is suddenly replaced with fear, nausea, and a strange lightheadedness all at once. The last thing they hear is what sounds like large wings fluttering all around them. And then everything is dark.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_A/N: Continue? Y/N? Thoughts? Questions?_  
_Thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I will try to avoid notes in the future. Especially long ones like this, unless something really needs to be cleared up and those I will put at the end from now on.  
Thanks to everyone for the reviews, follows, and interest! TBH I wasn't expecting to get this much for a first fanfic that isn't even pairing centered. Also, I feel I should clarify that I'm trying to keep to the French Mistake's versions of Jared and Jensen, which really isn't much to go off of, but they're not like the real ones.  
Broken Staff: This has been something I have been dreading since I started working on it, but I think I finally figured out how I am going to do this and I hope you guys like it!

And if anyone was curious about the title of the story:  
_"Buddy Bizarre,"_ this Supernatural fanfic about the Supernatural episode "The French Mistake," references (Dom DeLuise's) character Buddy Bizarre from The French Mistake scene in Blazing Saddles by Mel Brooks. This is a reference to the reference of the Supernatural episode "The French Mistake," which is a reference to the segment in Blazing Saddles referred to The French Mistake where the movie Blazing Saddles breaks the fourth wall and interacting with the dancers of another set.  
…Did I lose anyone?

This chapter as was the previous is unbeta'd. All mistakes are my own.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 2: What the Hell Are You Doing Here? This is a Closed Set!**

"Did they…" Balthazar chuckles to himself only to be stopped by lightly coughing and shifting his weight from one leg onto the other as he stares down at the ones in question, "Did those monkeys _actually_ pass out?"

Castiel glares at his friend and his choice of words, but makes no other effort to comment on it. Balthazar seems to pick up on it immediately, however, and holds his hands up in a mocking attempt to placate his brother. "Now, now, Cassie. No, need to get your feathers all ruffled. It's so unbecoming, even for you."

Turning his attention back to the Winchester look-alikes, Castiel completely ignores the other angel for the time being, and kneels beside the brothers. If these men even are brothers. He places a hand on Dean's... No. Not Dean. He places a hand on _Not Dean's_ forehead, who groans at the contact. Well, he's not dead, so that's a start at least. Then Castiel repeats the process with _Not Sam_ and the reaction is similar.

Balthazar continues to talk, not caring if the other rebel is paying attention or not. "Do we have any idea what happened and any idea what we should do now, or are you too busy feeling up your boyfriends? I could give you a moment alone, if you'd like."

The kneeling soldier turns to fix his ever growing nuisance of an ally with a hard look and his lips forms a thin line, when suddenly Dean's imposter groans again and rolls onto his side, "For crying out loud, Sebastian. Stop talking."

And then silence again. The only sound is the buzzing hum of florescent lights, which are now as deafening as they are irritatingly bright.

If Castiel wasn't just as confused as Balthazar was by the comment, he might have been at least somewhat amused by his brother's reaction. Poor Balthazar couldn't make up his mind whether he was confused or insulted, so his vessel's expression settled on a strange and very unflattering combination of the two. "What did he just call me?"

_Fake Dean_… _Not Dean_… _Imposter Dean_… Castiel isn't even sure what to call him anymore at this point. _Not-My-Dean_, that's not much better he decides and thinks the real Dean would find some strange reason to be offended by such, attempts to stand as _Other Sam_… alright this is far too confusing, and he decides to get their names at some point before they pass out again.

In any case, 'Sam' begins to stir.

After much stumbling and somehow having put some distance from the angels, the two humans have finally made their way to standing upright. Once on their feet, Castiel thinks the humans are seconds away from passing out, again, if the look of terror is any indication. That is, if their hearts don't give out first. Not wanting to deal with the two passing out for a third time, the already stressed angel steps closer only to see 'Sam' and 'Dean' immediately back away.

'Sam' winces abruptly stopping his retreat, probably due to an injury from crashing through Bobby's window, and looks around what appears to be a warehouse of some kind. 'Dean,' on the other hand, is shivering violently and has his wide eyes glued to Castiel as if he's going to smite him any second.

'Dean' somehow manages to chatter through his teeth, "W-w-what'ssss go-ing on? W-w-where are we?"

'Sam' looks towards the heavenly soldiers expectantly, and though not quite as much as 'Dean,' the fear is still prominent on his face. Castiel attempts to approach the two again, "We're not going to hurt you."

"B-b-bull-shshshshit-t-t." Dean stutters and backs up once more. He moves back so quickly he trips over his feet and stumbles, but catches himself before falling to the ground.

Balthazar chuckles again because he never knew someone could say that and look so terrified while doing so, but careful enough not to aggravate his wound like he did earlier. Castiel, however, is becoming visibly irritated. The dark haired angel disappears, startling both of the 'Winchesters' for a moment just before Castiel reappears directly in front of 'Dean' who squeaks in surprise. Taking advantage of the shock, the angel presses two fingers to the older human's forehead. After he lowers his hand, 'Dean' is completely dry and glass free.

Horrified, 'Dean's' legs give out from under him and he drops to the floor, "Holy crap I just got mojo'd!" His legs are no longer working at this point, but he still tries to quickly scoot backwards away from Castiel only stopping when his back bumps against a crate.

"There is nothing holy about," Castiel pauses and angrily glances to both sides as if something might be lurking around the corner to smite 'Dean' for his blasphemy. Seeing no imminent threat, he then proceeds to gesture quotes with his hands on both of the last words. "_Crap,_ _Dean._"

"Did… did you seriously just air-quote?" 'Sam' says with some amusement, while Balthazar's mood has completely relaxed again and snickers.

Castiel's anger promptly vanishes, and is replaced by an almost unnoticeable embarrassment. The only indication of this is when his eyes widen as he quickly glances around at the other three who seem to be focused on him. Now that he realizes that he's not being any more polite than Balthazar, Castiel lowers his head and looks down at the floor. Even though he is still flustered, Castiel manages to look up before he answers, "I apologize. I'm afraid I don't know your names, unless your names also happen to be Sam and Dean Winchester."

"Umm. First, can I not be wet and cut up too?" 'Sam' audibly gulps. "Please? Mr. Angel-of-the-Lord. Sir."

"Jared!" 'Dean,' still frozen horrified to the warehouse floor, shouts at 'Sam.' Or as it actually turns out to be, Jared.

Jared shrugs and glares at the one who shouted at him, "What? I don't want to be wet and hurt!"

Seemingly comfortable where he is sprawled on the floor since he is making no effort to pick himself back up, or move at all for that matter, 'Dean's' horrified expression transforms back into the angry one he wore when the angels first met him. "Why aren't you freaking out right now?"

Apparently, Jared is just as good at what Dean calls Sam's bitchface because Jared is directing the said expression at 'Dean.' "I _AM_ freaking out. I would just prefer to be dry and freak out."

"Wonderful," Balthazar says in a flat tone, deciding to enter into the conversation again. "I'm starting to think all they do is scream, pass out, and yell at each other." Castiel doesn't voice it, but is inclined to agree. Regardless, Castiel walks up to Jared and gives the same courtesy he had given to the other human just mere minutes earlier. Jared stiffens and eyes widen when the angel presses his fingers to his forehead. Other than that, there's no indication of resistance.

Jared clears his throat and takes a step back once he notices the angel is not making an effort to vacate his personal space. "Thanks. And, uh, if it's not too much trouble, can we take a second to process all of this?"

Castiel, who still has not moved since assisting Jared, nods his head once. "Of course, It probably isn't safe here, but we should have enough time for you to compose yourselves," the angel pauses a brief moment before he says the name out loud for the first time, "Jared." Castiel appears as if he confused himself the second he says the name by tilting his head slightly, furrowing his brows, and looking down at the floor. The other three raise their eyebrows at this response, and shortly after, Jared clears his throat again. "Oh, that's right. Um, well as you've already figured out, I'm Jared." Then he turns to and points at the other who has yet to move from their location on the floor, "And _that_, is Jensen."

Upon hearing his name, Jensen removes himself from the ground and starts dusting his clothes off. Castiel's confusion dissipates as he watches this Jensen attend to his state of dress, and turns his attention back to Jared, "It's nice to meet you, Jared." Then Castiel stares back at Jensen who is still solely focused on his clothing, "and Jensen. I'm sorry the circumstances were different. I must say, you are both taking this very well considering."

Jensen scoffs as he removes his jacket to shake out, "Yeah, well no offense, but I'm sure I'm just having some messed up dream. I'm going to wake up and-" Castiel is suddenly directly in front of Jensen when he looks up, causing him to stop his train of thought. He pulls his face back away and his eyes dart in every direction that the angel is not.

Castiel narrows his eyes at Jensen. "I assure you. This is not a dream," and Castiel turns and starts walking away. "You can have a few minutes to compose yourself, but as I said it is not safe here. We will have to go somewhere else."

Jared startles at the remark, "Wait, can't you just send us home?"

Balthazar raises an eyebrow in his brother's direction and with a mix of curiosity mixing in his vessel's voice, "Yeah, Cassie. Why can't we send them home?"

"No. Not yet," Castiel firmly states trying to end the discussion.

"Why not?" Jared's worry is now shifting towards panic and his breathing is heavier and notably louder.

Castiel turns around to face Jared and without even a hint of hesitation, "Because Sam and Dean are still there. Having both groups there would upset the balance, and we can't bring the Winchester back because we need this distraction." Castiel looks at Balthazar who first sighs loudly, and then disappears. "We will be back momentarily to give you your respite. Make sure you are ready when we return."

Before either human can say a word, the angels are gone, leaving the two alone in the warehouse and God knows what lurking in the dark.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Son, You're On Your Own**

The buzzing hums of the lights continue as the two lost humans take a moment to scan their surroundings. After meandering about the building for a few minutes, Jared takes a slow, curious moment to check inside one of the crates. He takes a peek inside only to slam it shut quickly causing Jensen to jump and shout, "Dude! What the hell?"

Jensen's anger deflates the moment he spins around and sees the other. Jared stands there with a panicked face staring back at Jensen, and his hands pushing the crate lid down so hard his fingers are starting to turn white.

"You ok there?" Jensen appears hesitant at first, but then starts to approach the other clearly terrified individual. Jared, however, shakes his head in quick, small motions. Still walking and now taking more confident and wider strides, towards the taller and shaken person, Jensen smiles. "What's in there that's got you so rattled?"

Jared has apparently let the shock of their situation truly take hold for the first time as he seems frozen to his spot, his face as white as the fingers holding down the lid, "I think it's part of a dead guy."

Jensen abruptly stops almost causing him to fall forward, but he throws his arms out to try to steady his balance. His eyes widen as he stares at Jared who shares his fear. After Jensen pulls his eyes away from Jared, he then looks around noticing the crates on both sides and all around them. Two sets of green eyes dart around at the various crates until the two finally remember how to use their legs again. They put as much between them and the crates as possible, and as quickly as possible. This happens to put them at the complete opposite side of the warehouse and up on the second floor's rafters.

Resting his hands on his knees as he is leaning over attempting to catch his breath, Jared peers up over the rafter railings, "So… Where are we?"

Jensen, who is also trying to get his breathing under control, doesn't look up as he replies. "It looks like a warehouse."

The classic bitchface returns on Jared's face as he turns and stands up straight to look at the Jensen, "You think?"

Jensen glances up and lets out a small huff of laughter, "Doesn't it kind of look like the warehouse from Indiana Jones? You know, like with the Arc of the Cov…" His smile slowly fades as he trails off on his comment and then audibly gulps. "You… you don't think-"

Before Jensen can finish his thought, he's cut off by the return arrival of the angels who have shown up just behind them. Both of which immediately jump back at Castiel and Balthazar's sudden appearance. Jensen grabs at his chest with one hand and the other holds onto the railing to keep him from falling over, while Jared starts to point at the rebels and then instead covers his face with both hands. After taking a deep breath and releasing it with a loud sigh, Jared brings his hands up and runs them through his hair in frustration, "Don't _do_ that."

Completely ignoring the frantic gestures and murmurs of Jensen and Jared's behavior, Balthazar smiles at them even though it visibly shows that it deigns him to do so. "Well then, this has been fun. Actually, no. Not in the least bit really." The blond claps his hands together once and starts rubbing them together, "Anyway, time to pack your bags and get you on your merry way."

Castiel's brows furrow slightly as he turns to confer with his brother in his usual gruff voice, "No. We can't send them back. Not yet."

Jared and Jensen are both surprised by the response, and Jared pushes himself forward. Under the fear in his voice an edge of anger is slowly bubbling to the surface, "Why not?"

"Because Sam and Dean are still in your world," Castiel states in a manner that the answer should have been obvious.

Undeterred, probably due to the fact Castiel is still facing away, Jared continues, "So, bring them back."

Castiel turns to face the one who's speaking to him, "That would defeat the whole purpose of the plan." The action causes Jared to shrink and step back nervously, looking anywhere and everywhere else that Castiel isn't.

Jensen glances up from staring at his feet to looking around wide-eyed at the other three, "What…what plan?" Not getting an answer he looks at Jared who shrugs just as lost as he is.

Balthazar leans and puts his right arm on the railing, lowers his head, and sighs. "Alright."

Castiel quickly shoots Balthazar an icy glare. Dismissing Castiel by waving his unoccupied hand flippantly, Balthazar answers his brother's unasked question, "Oh, come now, Cassie. Who are they going to tell? Besides, it might shut them up."

The glare still adorning his vessel's features, Castiel replies indignantly, "I highly doubt it."

Jared, Jensen, and Balthazar's eyebrows rise as high as they can and Balthazar lets a smirk play across his face. Castiel's lips thin in a frown and shifts uncomfortably focusing on the floor, "I'm sorry. It's just that we don't have much time."

Balthazar smiles and starts pushing Jared and Jensen towards the stairs leading down from the rafters, "Short version then. We sent Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dumber to your world to distract Raphael and his lackeys long enough to find the weapons." Balthazar suddenly stops pushing at and leading the two half way down the stairs. He then leans on the stair rails and his voice drops to a low whisper as if he's directing it to himself instead of the others, "Oh, I suppose you don't know about any of that, do you?"

Jared continues waking down the stairs, but peers back over his shoulder, "No. We do. Raphael the archangel and the weapons of Heaven, right?"

Castiel and Balthazar stop and stare at Jared questioningly, their brow creasing and eyes narrowing in confusion. Balthazar shifts on his feet and trying to regain his thoughts before returning his attention to Jared, "How exactly…"

Jensen scratches the back of his head as he waits patiently at the bottom of the staircase, "We, um... We play 'Sam' and 'Dean' on a TV show called 'Supernatural,' so I'd say we pretty much know everything, I guess."

Castiel's widen as he pushes past Balthazar and quickly closes the distance between him and Jensen, making his way down the remaining stairs, "Everything?"

The other three notices Castiel's panicked state, but make no comment on it. Jensen, still not comfortable in the _very_ close proximity of an angel regardless of how frightened they may be and is in fact more unnerved by this, takes a step back. He bows his head and clears his throat before continuing, "Well, everything up until now. All of this is what was happening in the script." Jensen mumbles, "The parts we're in anyways." Then he lifts his head and speaks more confidently again when he notices Castiel start to calm down, "Like we know Virgil is going to go after Sam and Dean-"

And then Jensen balks at how Castiel tenses up again. Fear is creeping up on Castiel's expression once more but this time is joined by anger, "What?"

Eyeing his brother's interesting reactions carefully, he joins the others on the ground floor. That is until Balthazar catches up to what Jensen had just said, "Wait, you're actors? There's a television show about all this? Who in their right mind would watch that?"

Both Jared and Jensen shrug and says almost simultaneously, "Beats me."

Balthazar chuckles, "Huh. That's sounds a lot like something-"

Castiel grabs the actors by their shoulders and starts moving them in the direction of the nearest exit, "We can discuss this more later. We need to find those weapons before Raphael."

Having given up on resisting any manhandling by the angels, Jensen allows himself to be shoved towards wherever it is Castiel is determined to make them go. That doesn't stop him from trying to get more answers, however, "So wait, does that mean monsters are _real_ here?"

Trailing a good distance from the other three, Balthazar holds onto his side wincing but still manages a smile, "I'm afraid so."

Jensen frowns clearly not liking that answer, "And you're sure we're not dreaming?"

Balthazar's smile mixes into something apologetic, "Sorry."

Removing his hands from Jared and Jensen's shoulders, Castiel turns to face his comrade. "Balthazar, I need you to watch after these two for the time being."

Balthazar smirks at Castiel, "As I recall, the Winchesters are your pets."

Castiel glowers at Balthazar, "They are NOT the Winchesters."

Amused, Balthazar continues to tease Castiel, "But you don't deny the Winchesters are your pets? Interesting."

Barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes for the second time this day, Castiel simply tightens his lips and stares at the warehouse ceiling. He knows he will only provoke Balthazar if he continues to argue, so he remains silent.

Jared and Jensen curiously watch the rebels bicker, well one get upset while the other teases, peeking over Castiel's shoulder. Balthazar sees them and laughs, "Look at them. They're like lost children. It's adorable. You'll be a wonderful mother, Cassie."

Castiel warns, "Balthazar."

Balthazar sighs and rubs his eyes, showing weariness for the first time, "I'll tag along for a bit, but I'm hurt, Castiel. You play babysitter. I need rest."

Nodding at his brother, Castiel turns back to face Jared and Jensen, "You're right." Castiel is almost surprised to see both sets of green eyes staring calmly down at him.

Jared takes a deep breath and breathes out, "Alright. What's the plan?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_A/N: Sorry if the last chapter (Chapter 2) was a confusing for some, it actually was supposed to be a bit jarring, but I probably got a little carried away. That's the only chapter that will be like that though._

_Like I said before, I wasn't expecting much, especially for my first fanfic, but I love every one of those reviews, follows, and favs. Thank you all so much! I might be persuaded to do more SpN stories in the future. I'm going to do my best and try to update every week or so from now on, but I can't promise anything as my health has been really poor lately and the rest of the time the medicine prevents me from being very productive._

_This probably is going to be longer than I originally thought, but there is plot coming I swear! It's just taking awhile to get there.  
_


	4. Chapter 4

_ emebalia: There's a bunch of references and foreshadowing especially in that last chapter, so I'm glad someone picked up on that one at least! :)_

_A/N Part One: I know I said no more notes at the beginning of the chapter (and the rest are at the end of the chapter), but all three of my betas and the people I bounce ideas off of are still busy with RL stuff. Anyone willing to help a gal out?  
Be my 'Buddy Beta' for my Meta?_

And many thanks to those who left me such nice reviews and for the follows! It lets me know people are still reading. I'll keep going as long as people are interested, or until I reach the end. Hope you are enjoying it so far.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 4: The Fool's Going To... I Mean, the Sheriff's Going To Do It!**

"Alright. What's the plan?"

The plan, or '_The Plan_' as Castiel air quotes every time he says those two words, sounds easy enough. Well, that is when you omit half of the idea and then try hard not to think about the rest of it. Okay, it was a pretty stupid plan, but Jared and Jensen don't think it's very smart to argue with the 'Soldiers of God.' Rebels or not. Any disagreement might end in smiting, which neither Jared nor Jensen are wanting to happen any time soon. Or ever. Preferably never. They decide that never sounds like it would work the best with everyone, especially them.

It may not be easy, but at least 'The Plan' pretty straight forward and goes as follows:

_Step One_: Tag along with the angels, actually it's more like tag along with Castiel as Balthazar will be leaving them shortly, and try to stay out of trouble. So far, so good. In fact, Jared and Jensen like this part of 'The Plan' the best. Staying safe under the protection of angels in this crazy and dangerous parallel universe is definitely in both their best interests right now.

_Step Two_: The angels are currently trying to locate the weapons of Heaven Balthazar has lost. Not lost exactly… more like hidden away and then suddenly forgot where the hidden location was. That sounds a lot like lost, but as mentioned before, Jared and Jensen are smart enough not to argue semantics with 'Angels of the Lord.' The problem with this part of 'The Plan' seemed to negate the latter half of Step One. Balthazar seems to recall hiding some of the items in particularly dangerous locations. Wonderful.

_Step Three_: Stay low and out of Raphael and his goons' sight. Alright, 'The Plan' is starting to look up again. This turns out to be easier said than done, however, as Raphael has more supporters than Castiel does currently. Not only that, but said archangel's forces are currently looking for the angels aforementioned in the first part of 'The Plan.' Needless to say, Step One is looking more and more difficult to carry out successfully. To be quite honest, it's looking downright impossible.

And finally, _Step Four_: After Heaven's weapons have been obtained, Castiel and Balthazar will need to bring Sam and Dean back and send Jared and Jensen back. Then, they can pretend it was just some horrible dream.

Okay. So it's not that straight forward either. Regardless, Jared and Jensen have agreed to help in whatever way they can. As the two are running over 'The Plan' a third time together now, they are already sharing and showing serious doubts. Not only that, but who decided it was a good idea to return to Bobby's place? Isn't Raphael expecting them to be here? Or is that obvious enough that Raphael wouldn't think they would return for the fact it was suicidal.

"It's not suicidal." Castiel watches the rain continue to pour outside through the empty space in the wall that was once a window. "Bobby should know what's going on, and he should be back momentarily."

Jared is sitting at Bobby's desk and Jensen has pulled up a chair from the kitchen on the other side of the desk. Both of them look up startled. It's the first time Castiel has said anything since giving them a run-down of 'The Plan.'

Castiel turns and faces the two as light erupts from the still going storm outside, "And before you ask, no. I wasn't reading your mind. You are just not as quiet as you think you are."

Jared looks at Jensen in a tooth bearing frown, and Jensen attempts to hide his unease at being caught by hiding his face in one of the books on the desk.

The awkward silence that follows only lasts a few minutes and Jared and Jensen are pouring themselves into as many books they can go through before they get flown off to wherever it is they are going next. They may only be actors on a show, but it never hurts to know what could possibly be out there and be prepared for it no matter how much the information is terrifying them. Balthazar is trying to find a comfortable sitting position on Bobby's couch without much luck, and Castiel is watching the other two with interest as they quickly go over the books. Jensen's even taking notes.

Unlike Castiel, Balthazar can't stand the silence anymore and speaks up, "You both seem to be adapting to this situation rather well now."

Jared peeks up from what he's currently learning about kelpies, why he has no idea, and up at Balthazar, "Well, either we're dreaming and can't wake up, so we should just go along with it until we do." He stops and takes a moment to review what he has just said and deflates a little, "Which, apparently, is an option Castiel ruled out." Then he looks over at Castiel who seems completely unaffected by the comment, but still watching them. Jared lifts his hands from the desk in a small quick gesture and returns them to the wood surface and sighs, "Or we play nice with the guys who can protect us."

Balthazar smiles at Castiel and points at Jared, "I like the way this one thinks."

Jared blinks, "Uh. Thanks?"

Balthazar turns his head to look out the window as does Castiel. Grimacing, Balthazar stands up and holds his side, "And on that, I will take my leave. Play nice with your new toys, Cassie." And then Balthazar is gone.

The back door in the kitchen opens and Jared and Jensen stiffen at the noise. They turn in their chairs to see Bobby soaked from the rain and walking through the kitchen placing what appears to be grocery bags on the table. Bobby takes a towel from one of the cabinets and dries his face and the back his neck off. He starts rummaging through the bags and starts putting things away until he notices that he's being watched by all three individuals in the other room. Grabbing three beers, he walks into his living room and stops suddenly when he sees the state of the room. Gawking at the broken window and the wet papers littering the floor, Bobby almost drops the beers in his hands. Almost. "What in the hell did you idjits do now? I've only been gone two hours and you somehow managed to put a hole in my wall. What did you do? Jump through it?"

Jensen slams his hands on the desk and his eyes go wide, "Oh my God." Castiel narrows his eyes at Jensen, who gulps when he realizes why he's getting glared at. "I'm sorry. It slipped. But seriously, it's only been two hours?"

Bobby eyes Jensen suspiciously as he walks over to hand Jared one of the other two beers he's holding, "Dean, did you just apologize to Cas for-?"

Castiel already feeling as if they have wasted enough time steps forward, "Bobby, we need to talk."

Bobby tosses Jensen a beer who almost catches it with his face rather than his hands before he knew it was coming at him. He doesn't notice this though because Bobby is too busy opening his own beer, "Oh, great. I can already tell it's going to be a long night. Does it have anything to do with why you broke my damn window?"

Growing impatient, Castiel approaches Bobby, "We don't have much time-"

Bobby sets his beer down on an end table and starts picking up the scattered papers, "We never do, do we?"

Castiel sighs "I promise I will explain later, but for now I need you to go somewhere safe and look after these two."

Bobby stops collecting papers and glares at Castiel, "Why is my own damn house not safe? And last time I checked, the boys can look after themselves." He goes to the kitchen and starts laying the papers out on the kitchen table to dry. "Well, as long as they don't go losing or selling their souls again, and I really hope they got all of that worked out of their system by now. I might have to kill em' myself if they try that crap again."

Jensen stands up from his chair and immediately goes to Castiel's side, "Wait. Wait, wait, wait. I thought we were tagging along with you, Castiel. What happened to 'The Plan?' I thought we already planned it all out."

Bobby looks completely thrown off. He's not sure what to think of Jensen's use of Castiel's full name, the fact he's actually air quoting something called 'The Plan,' or being the one to get in Castiel's personal space looking like a frightened child.

Castiel picks up on this and continues focusing on Bobby, "This is not Dean and that is not Sam, and I promise I will be right back." Then he turns to face Jensen who still looks scared and back at Jared who shares Jensen's expression "I won't be long, so you can stay here for the time being if you wish."

Anger still evident but now mixed with confusion Bobby starts closing the distance between him and the angel, "What do you mean they're not-"

Before Bobby can reach him, Castiel disappears.

"Balls." Bobby grabs Jensen by the shoulder who whimpers and starts walking the both of them over to where Jared is, "Alright you two. Start talkin' and give me a good reason not to shoot you because if you're not the boys I'm going to have to assume you're shapeshifters or worse."

Panicking, Jared stands up quickly and puts his hands up in front of him in what he hopes is a non-threatening manner, "Wait, Bobby! Wait. We're not shapeshifters. We're… okay, just hear us out. We're actors who play Sam and Dean on a television show in an alternate universe."

Bobby's grip on Jensen's shoulder tightens, "Wanna run that by me again?"

Jared's breathing quickens and looks more nervous than before, "No, not really."

Jensen flinching at Bobby's grip, but not making an effort to pull away looks down at Bobby, "Hey, we're just as lost as you are, if not more. We're not bad guys though and Castiel saying to look after us should be proof of that, right?"

Bobby grumbles, "That, or you're trouble that needs looking after."

Jensen points to himself, "I'm Jensen," then to Jared who waves slightly with a nervous smile, "and that's Jared."

Jared and Jensen take turns filling Bobby in up to date. That is, after he makes them clean up the mess they helped make and changes out of his wet clothes. Bobby wasn't too thrilled about the parts where Balthazar started using his spell components or the part where they broke the window, but he's even less amused by the fact he now feels he can't leave Sam and Dean alone for a single minute.

Papers are on put on varying racks, books are laid out to dry and air out, and a tarp has been put over the window frame to keep any more rain coming into the living room. The boys finally sit down and drink their beers as Jared and Jensen expressively describe everything they've gone through in the last few hours.

When Castiel returns almost an hour later, Jared and Jensen stand up at his arrival. Bobby looks up, but doesn't move from his place from behind the desk, "So these boys filled me in on the details including your 'Plan.' You really think these boys are capable of helping you out? They're nice and all, but they ain't exactly hunters."

Castiel glances at the actors taking note of how they are looking nervous again shifting from foot to foot and eyes darting everywhere except him. Then Castiel turns to look back at Bobby. "We don't have a choice."

Bobby throws a book to the edge of the desk and then takes a drink of something that is in a coffee mug. "Yeah, I bet you don't. And by the way, I ain't no damn babysitter. This is your problem, your mistake. You deal with these knuckleheads. These idjits have been driving me up the wall, what's left of it anyways, with their non-stop questions."

Castiel takes a step forward, "My apologies. It wasn't my intention-"

Bobby slams the mug down on the desk and starts to stand from his seat yelling, "I don't care what your intention was, just get em' home and bring our boys back!"

Either Jared and Jensen had heard the argument before, they were both expecting it, or some other reason Castiel is not sure of, but whatever the reason the two don't seem fazed at all by Bobby's yelling. It's possible that they are adapting even better than Castiel originally thought, but that doesn't seem right if their reaction at Castiel's arrival was any indication. In any case, it's not important and they need to get moving.

Castiel turns his back on Bobby to look Jared and Jensen, "Are you ready?"

Jared and Jensen share a look Castiel can't quite place and then look at Bobby.

Bobby rolls his eyes and is clearly exasperated with everything and everyone right now, "Oh, don't look at me! Git' going."

Castiel places his hands on their shoulders and in the next second they are gone.

Bobby mutters before taking another drink, "Idjits."

Jared and Jensen appear with Castiel in a large but bare room with about ten other people. It doesn't appear to be another warehouse, but it's too big to be a regular house. There's no windows, just two doors and the other people. They don't seem to recognize any of them, except… one of them looks familiar. Very familiar. And he's naked.

"Hey, guys!"

Cupid quickly walks up and hugs Jared and Jensen together, both of which look very displeased at the fact. "I didn't know you were going to be here!" Cupid squeezes tighter and raises them slightly off the ground, "Welcome to the resistance!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_A/N Part Two: I wrote this chapter a bit differently in the beginning, so I hope it wasn't too confusing. Also, as much as I have been doing my best to avoid it, I have to bring a few OCs into the story. Nothing long term or pairing-wise, some I might not even go into detail, they're just there to fill in some holes. I'm not very familiar with the mythology behind angels and things related to it, but I am doing some heavy research with my husband right now. Keeping the fact that I'm researching in mind and that my health is still kind of in decline at the moment, chapters might take a bit longer to update. I don't know how I managed to get this one done so quickly._

_And, yes. I totally adore Cupid, but him showing up wasn't planned at all. He just kind of... appeared._

_And as you can see, I just had to come up with a bunch of unknown angels, so if you have any thoughts on what some of them (their vessels) should look like just PM me ;)_

_-Chaos_


	5. Chapter 5

_(*lots of notes at the end. Also un-beta'd because I feel awful for already making you wait this long)_

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 5: I Shall Now Read from the Books of Matthew, Mark, Luke... and DUCK**

"Can't… breathe. He's _crushing_ me. Jared… I can't die like this." Jensen uses all of his strength to attempt to break free, but it's hardly noticeable due to the angel's far superior strength. The only thing that comes from his struggle is a large amount of flailing and groaning on Jensen's part.

Unlike Jensen, Jared just takes the full force of the hug without struggling and only winces at the brute force of it. "What crushed to death… by a large, naked, male cupid not good enough-" Jared wheezes a little before he can continue his comment, "publicity for you?"

Leaning his upper body out as far as he can make it, with the exception of his lower arms still caught in the vice-like grip, Jensen yells out. "Not if I'm dead! This is not how I want to… urrk die."

The cupid finally releases the two, and to them it's none too soon. The moment they're released, both of them lean over themselves with their hands on their knees as they gasp for air. Jared and Jensen are almost too busy trying to catch their breath to notice the cupid has released them in order to hug Castiel.

Almost.

Castiel seems to just take the hug with a roll of his eyes and looks irritatingly up at the ceiling. The cupid lifts Castiel up in his arms and begins to shake him around like the other was made of air, swinging him side to side causing Castiel to grunt a little at the unwanted affection.

Jared rolls one of his shoulders with a grimace, "Does he do that every time he sees someone?"

All the angels including Castiel look at the two actors responding in a deadpan, "Yes."

Still being swung around, Castiel somehow manages to reply, "It's something that _all_ cherubim are known how to behave." When the cupid seems content with his hugs, he finally releases Castiel and happily skips over towards the other angels. "It only gets progressively worse the more they like you unfortunately."

The cupid waves a hand once at Castiel, smiling. "Aww, I know you don't mean that."

Jared and Jensen take a few steps in their newest location and glance around. Taking a closer inspection of the room they've been brought to, they notice the floor is wooden and looks like it was waxed at some point. Some patches of paint remain in the middle of the room and in some places and holes are found all over the floor on the sides of the room and even on the concrete walls. Continuing to look around the room they see a third set of doors behind them. So, that's three sets of doors, no windows, wooden and painted floors that were waxed at some point and holes all over the place but in specific locations… oh. This was probably a gymnasium at some point.

Jensen frowns, "Oh, no. I'm having flashbacks to those awful shorts. I still have no idea how they talked me into that."

Jared snorts at Jensen's remark and continues to look around the room, "Yeah, but it's still no Jenny Thu-."

Spinning around quickly, Jensen jabs his index finger into Jared's chest looking furious, "You say Jenny Thunder one more time and I swear…" Jensen pauses as he glances at the other beings in the room with them and then back to Jared, "to you-know-who and I will punch you right in that smug face of yours."

One of the unknown angels, from what appears to be one of a set of triplets, cocks his head slightly looking at Jared and Jensen. "These are not the Winchesters." The triplets appear as three middle aged, Asian business men with jet black hair. All three suits are black and they have white dress shirts, but each one has a unique and hideous looking tie. Jared and Jensen can't tell if the clothing choice is directly tied to their vessels like Jimmy Novak, or if it's just usual angel flair. The dicks with wings like wearing suits for some reason.

Castiel shakes his head, "No. This is Jensen and Jared. They are filling in for the time being." All of the angels look suspiciously at Castiel including Cupid. Castiel sighs, "It's complicated."

Another one of the triplets who looks as if he has a permanent scowl decides to speak up, "You're using the Winchesters as a distraction for Raphael, aren't you?"

Castiel appears slightly offended by the remark, "Of course not."

Jensen looks at the questioning angels half annoyed and half teasing Castiel, "He's using them as a distraction for Virgil _AND_ Raphael."

The other angels in unison and some of them nod their heads at the explanation, "Oooooh." Castiel turns and glares at Jensen, who shrinks and backs away slowly with his head hunched down.

Jared looks at the group apprehensively, "So, is this your whole army?"

Castiel takes one more moment to glare at Jensen before turning to face Jared, "No. These are just my brothers and sisters available to help us locate the weapons at the present time. Others are already searching for the ones we know the locations of, and the rest are recuperating."

Jared and Jensen realize what that last part meant. They both know the scripts of the show well enough in their universe, so they know Castiel is currently in a Civil War between the angels. Recuperating for angels can only mean one thing. Whatever is going on in heaven is huge. The two actors had never really thought about what the characters they play go through until now. It was just another paycheck to them, but here it was all real. The thought of what all of these people and creatures go through makes the two of them thankful for what they have. Neither Jared nor Jensen can imagine having to go through any of this long term. Hell, they've already had their fill and nothing really bad has even happened yet.

Now they're here with a hand full of angels having to fight their own brothers to stop Raphael and his half of heaven's strongest warriors from trying to start the apocalypse… again. Alright, so maybe Jared and Jensen won't have a large role in helping exactly, but it's the thought of it that weighs on them.

Crossing his arms, Castiel walks the line between the angel and the humans, "Balthazar has been giving us information to help locate the weapons he's hidden. He compiled a list of the ones not already in our possession or in the process of being retrieved."

Jensen lets his eyes wander up and off to the side as he ponders Castiel's statement. Not coming up with anything that seems to dispel his confusion he looks back at Castiel and without masking any of his confusion on the matter, "I thought they were in a locked room somewhere."

Castiel responds without any hint of emotion on the subject, "It was merely a diversion."

"You… you lied to them." Jared says with no small amount of shock.

"I did no such thing." Without pausing a beat Castiel continues, "Balthazar did."

Jared huffs a small laugh of disbelief as Castiel pulls out a large, folded stack of papers from his overcoat pocket and then stares at the stack wondering how that even fit in Castiel's coat pocket, "That's a long list." Using his height to his advantage, Jared looks at the list of Castiel's shoulder, "Or… I think it is. I can't really read it."

Castiel squints his eyes at the papers and starts paging through them, "Yes. Balthazar does not seem to realize Enochian in shorthand can be difficult to read."

Jared's eyebrows raise and staring down at Castiel marveling at how Castiel had completely missed what he meant, "Um, yeah."

Castiel folds the papers and turns his attention to the other angels in the room, "We have to work quickly and we're already short in numbers as it is. Each of us will need to look for more than one at the very least." Continuing on, Castiel looks towards Jared and Jensen, "Give me a moment to make the assignments." Jared is about to interject, but Castiel disappears leaving Jared and Jensen alone with the other angels.

Jensen mumbles in what he hopes is soft enough from any of the angels from hearing, "I can already see why Sam and Dean find that disappearing thing annoying."

Now that Castiel has left them again, Jared and Jensen realize the awkward situation they've been left in. The room is now dead quiet and full minutes pass before anyone attempts say anything. Jared shifts uneasily, but decides to break the deafening silence, "Umm. Hi."

A tall, dark-skinned man with dread-locks that reach his waist, smiles and struts up to Jared and Jensen. Like the three angels with the Asian vessels, he also wears a black suit but without the tie and wears a red dress shirt. "You'll have to forgive them." The angel's vessel seems to have a deep, thick accent Jared and Jensen can't place, "They are not used to dealing with humans in person."

Jensen narrows his eyes slightly at the angel approaching them, "And you are?" He mentally beats himself up for already having attitude with another angel so quickly, and one he doesn't even know yet. Jensen thinks he needs to work on this before one of them will get fed up with him and smite him for it.

The angel in question waves a hand out and bows, "They call me Caim."

With the most apologetic face he can muster, Jared hesitantly approaches Caim, "Not to sound rude, but I don't think I've heard of you."

Caim laughs lightly as he stands up straight again. "Oh, I don't doubt it. You probably haven't heard of anyone here, and if you _had_ heard of a few of us you'd think we were the bad guys. Not that I would blame you. A fair amount of us are a few of the Spirits of Solomon."

Jensen blinks, "The what?"

One of the three business men vessels steps forward. Jared thinks it's the same one that spoke to Castiel earlier. The ties are ugly, but they seem to help to differentiate the three apart, "They were the first angels to rebel with our brother. By aiding him, they also fell and were cast to the pit. Most of them ended up becoming demons. The rest have seen the error in their ways and now find ways to aid humans." Jared and Jensen's minds reel at the quick burst of information as the angel steps back and looks a bit embarrassed, "Oh. I'm Simiel by the way. I'm not one of the seventy-two Spirits of Solomon. I'm one of the Reprobated Angels and from Castiel's garrison."

Jensen's head is still spinning from everything and he holds up one hand with his index finger pointing up at the ceiling to nowhere in particular. "I'm starting to think the church is cutting out a bunch of details."

Still smiling but with a more edge to the words Caim responds, "You have _no_ idea."

Jared holds up his hands for emphasis for everyone to stop, "Wait, so these Spirits of Solomon sided with Lucifer and fought against God and mankind, but now you're helping? Why?"

The smile fades from Caim's face and turns very serious. "Not all of us wanted this. We thought we were doing the right thing. Our brother is…" Caim sighs, "The point is some of us know we made a terrible mistake, and we just want to go home."

Jared drops his hands back to his sides and shares a sympathetic look, "Yeah. Home. We hear you there."

An angel who looks like one of those crack-pot psychics from television commercials, complete with the silk cloth wrap on her head, rolls her eyes. All of her clothing has at least some purple on it and has a clashing colored purple shawl wrapped around her shoulders. "Leave it to Simiel to make everything sound so depressing."

Another angel seems equally put off and this one is a moderately tall, Caucasian man in his late fifties if his greying hair is any indication. He also has a short, full beard and wears a grey suit with a white overcoat. Great. More suits. This angel brings his hand to his forehead and groans, "It _IS_ depressing."

While the psychic and the old man are complaining, the angel in between them only looks back and forth between everyone. Jared and Jensen can't get a good look at her other than she's covered head to toe in dark clothing. Even her face is covered, but they can still see her stunning brown eyes when she glances over them.

The psychic turns to glare at Simiel who shrinks back when she does, "True. But it doesn't mean we should take it out on our guests. I'm certain Castiel wouldn't like us bothering them. Winchesters or not."

The angel who appears to have taken a Buddhist monk as his vessel walks up to Jared and Jensen and starts curiously eyeing them. Jared and Jensen look nervous about this even if he is significantly shorter than both of them. The monk smiles and pokes Jensen in the side who squirms away from the touch, "Interesting."

A few of the other angels start approaching and start murmuring to each other, some talking in Enochian.

Caim notices Jared and Jensen's discomfort and tries to put himself between them and the other angels. "Alright. Alright everyone. That's enough for now. We haven't even finished introducing ourselves yet."

The angels stop talking amongst themselves and start forming a line. Jared and Jensen can't figure it out, but it looks like the angels are attempting to put everyone in a certain order.

Bowing slightly less than before with his arm in front of him rather than out, Caim starts. "Like I mentioned earlier, my name is Caim."

The next angel in line is Caucasian but has a thick French accent and is wearing dirt covered cotton shirt and capris with a large sun hat and sunglasses. He also has a strange tool set attached to his belt. "I'm Forcas."

The angel who was complaining with the psychic earlier follows, "Morax, and we're three of the 72 Spirits of Solomon that Simiel mentioned earlier."

One of the triplets, Jared and Jensen assume is Simiel, opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by psychic, "Knock it off Simiel. We'll never get through this if you can't keep your mouth shut."

The quiet Muslim woman from before looks at Jared and Jensen and then looks around to the other angels and Cupid to her left notices she's looking for help. He notices her staring expectantly at him and answers for her. "This is Bath Qol and if what Castiel told us is true, you already know me." The cupid then goes to indicate the person to his left.

Jared looks up quickly, "Wait... She, um, Baath Kol doesn't talk?"

Morax sighs, "Go ahead, Simiel."

Simiel smiles and looks excited about being permission to talk again, "She's one of our angels of prophecy. Her name describes her well. _Heavenly voice_."

Forcas smirks, "Sounds like someone's got a crush."

Cupid giggles.

Caim decides to ignore everyone to help move things along quicker, "That should be your big clue. You probably know what our voices have the tendency to do to your kind. Bath Qol has the strongest and most beautiful voice to Heaven, but to humans it would more than likely lead to making the listener become deaf as well as permanently damaging her vessel's vocal chords."

Penemuel almost looks sad at his words, "And hurting our vessels and you are the last things we wish to do."

Jared and Jensen nod. Jensen clears his throat unsure what to say, but feels the need to try to lighten the mood again, "Uh, yeah. Thanks." Then Jared and Jensen turn to look at who's next in line.

Next is an angel who looks like a small boy. Well, they wouldn't call him small exactly. More like a healthy young boy. He looks like mom's let him have too many snacks, but he's at least seen the sun and has a splash of freckles on his face. "Oh! Is it my turn? My name is Hamiel."

Jensen looks at Caim skeptically, "He's a kid."

Apparently Caim had been expecting that response and smiles with an immediate answer. "Don't let his vessel trick you. Hamiel's the strongest one here, and why not? It's not uncommon. In fact, I'm pretty sure Castiel had a child vessel for a short time. Some of us prefer a child vessel over an adult one."

The purple wearing psychic chirps in again, "Plus, children are more likely to give us permission."

Jared and Jensen can't help but wince at that remark.

The next angel in line smiles largely at Jared and Jensen. This one looks to have the most intimidating vessel out of the whole bunch and that's not even because of the guard uniform. He looks like he's somewhere in his mid-thirties and extremely well built with a hint of a five o'clock shadow much like Castiel's. "I've got nothing against you two, but I was really hoping to meet the real Winchesters. I'm a _big_ fan."

Jensen whimpers and Jared visibly frowns.

One of the triplets growls out, "Of course you are! You're probably the only one they would listen to."

The guard completely ignores the comment and goes on with introducing himself, "I'm Tabris. They call me the angel of free will." Jared and Jensen's eyebrows nearly meet their hair line.

Jared and Jensen then look at the triplets who look identical in every way except their expressions and those damn ties.

Simiel slightly hunches over, "I already introduced myself."

The next crosses his arms and looks away frustrated, "Adimus."

The third opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by Adimus, "Is this really necessary? I mean we're probably never going to see them again and we're wasting time."

Smiling at Adimus, the third carries on, "We're just passing time until Castiel comes back. Besides it never hurts to make new friends." He looks at Jared and Jensen. "I'm Tubual."

Jensen can't help that Tubual's smile has spread to him, amused with the three. "You guys seem completely different from each other."

Adimus narrows his eyes at the actors, Simiel shifts nervously, and Tubual continues to smile at them. Tubual's smile never falters, "Well, we are three of the seven reprobated angels, but I'm afraid that's all we have in common. I think Adimus has more in common with Uriel and Raguel, Simiel is closer to Inias, whereas I think I have more in common with our garrison commander Anael."

Adimus hisses the first word, "_Former_ commander, and it's not like it did them any good. Both Uriel and Anael are dead now." Adimus uncrosses his arms and turns to look at Tubual questioningly, "Isn't Raguel going by Rachel or something now?"

Jared's actually genuinely interested about the three. Who knows, when they get back the show might include some of the other members of Castiel's garrison, "So you three are all from the same garrison as Castiel? I thought angels had specific blood lines and vessels. How did you three end up having the same bloodline?"

Adimus raises an eyebrow and scoffs. Simiel looks up at the humans. Simiel glances between his garrison brothers and back to Jared and Jensen, "Well, bloodlines cross over from time to time. It's not that odd, is it?"

Jared shrugs, "I guess not."

After a short moment of awkward silence the next angel takes that as a cue to continue, which turns out to be the monk, "I'm Penemuel."

Finally, the psychic on the end introduces herself, "And I'm Armaros."

Jensen crosses his arms looking just as confused as he did earlier, but more like he just realized something. "I have to ask. Why is a cupid getting involved in a war?"

The cupid smiles and bounces happily, which reminds Jared and Jensen that he is very much naked, "Oh, you want to know more about me? Well, ever since the Valentine incident I've felt awful. I wanted to help, but even if for some silly reason I didn't we were under orders from our chief."

Jared's not sure he wants to know, but it doesn't stop him from asking. "Your… chief?"

The cupid nods, "Yep. We all have someone to report to. All Cherubim follow Keubiel, but there's so many of us they separated us into groups and we have different chiefs. For some strange reason our chief got really interested in helping the Winchesters all of a sudden. I guess they have that kind of effect because Castiel is the same way."  
Looking down the cupid, presses a finger to his lower lip, and then starts counting on his fingers, "Let's see… there's Ophaniel, Rikbul, Cherubiel, Zophiel, Raphael-"

Jensen balks a bit at that one, "Raphael is a chief of cherubs?"

The cupid shakes his hands and head as if saying it wasn't enough, "No no no. We're Cherubim not cherubs, silly. You're thinking of the Putti. That's different."

"The what?" Jensen is starting to think he's going to be asking this a lot while he's here.

Jared kicks Jensen's shin without taking his eyes off the cupid, "Nevermind. Please continue." Jared shoots Jensen a glare.

The cupid fidgets and twiddles his thumbs, "Lucifer was one too, but that didn't work out so well."

Jensen yells out while rubbing his shin, "You think?"

Jared pulls yet another 'bitchface' at Jensen and then returns to look at Cupid, "So which one is your boss?"

Cupid laughs "We got lucky." He then leans in closer almost whispering as if he's sharing a secret with them, "I think we got the best leader. He's so funny and nice to us," his smile fades and quickly turns into a pout, "or he was until he left." Just as quickly as the smile left it comes back and the humans could both swear his eyes started sparkling, "But he suddenly came back to us. He said we needed to help out, so here I am!"

After stuttering for a moment Jared eventually is able to say something other than odd sounds, "You… your boss… you can't possibly mean-"

"Gabriel, yes." It was almost as Castiel was waiting for that moment to return and has appeared behind the two otherworlders.

Jensen jumps back behind, or in this case in front of, Jared who is as equally surprised, "Fuck! Quit… quit doing that."

Caim approaches slowly and narrows his eyes at Castiel, "Is everything alright, Castiel?"

Jared looks at the other angels and notices they all seem to be looking at Castiel warily. Then back to Castiel who replies straight-faced, "Of course. Everything if fine." Castiel approaches the other angels who most of which have let their nervousness drop. He starts handing each one what appears to be small rolled up bits of leather tied with a red cord, "I apologize for taking that long. I'm afraid figuring out Balthazar's shorthand and writing took longer than I thought it would."

Caim walks beside Jared and Jensen and whispers to them while Castiel's back is turned, "Something's not right. I don't think any of us could tell where Castiel went which is… odd to say the least. Be careful." Caim then backs away with a huge smile on his face and slaps Jensen on his shoulder. Jensen stumbles back slightly and the angel laughs, "Well, it was a pleasure to meet the Not-Winchesters! Maybe we'll meet again when this is all over."

Castiel gives one of the rolled pieces to Caim who graciously accepts it. Caim begins to turn away, but stops and faces Castiel with a soft smile. "Be careful brother. I doubt it needs to be said, but don't do anything I wouldn't do and don't do anything I have regretted doing."

Castiel nods and turns away and the moment he does the other angels disappear leaving the two humans alone with Castiel. Jensen is preoccupied with his sore shoulder and shin, but Jared starts squirming and shifting on his feet anxiously. Castiel notices Jared's nervous behavior, "Is something wrong? My brothers didn't say anything to offend you, I hope."

Jared startles at Castiel's question, "No! No, they didn't offend us or anything. Just… thinking." Castiel tilts his head slightly in confusion, but after Jared says this Jared's nervousness dissipates before he continues. "So, what's the plan? I'm sure you need to be out there looking for those Holy Weapons too, right?"

Jensen is apparently finished nursing his injuries and joins the conversation, "You want us to wait here while you guys are out looking or…"

Castiel doesn't hesitate to interrupt already knowing what Jensen is going to ask, "I think it would be best if you came with me."

Jensen frowns, "That's what I was afraid of. Well, how many? Which ones?"

"I believe it will take us longer so our list is much smaller. Only six." Castiel seems to genuinely think he's doing them a large favor and he even lets it show a little. Jared and Jensen seem to think otherwise.

Jensen's face and shoulders drop, "_Only_?"

Castiel offers a rolled piece of paper tied with a blue string. Jared elbows Jensen in his side before taking the tied slip of paper from Castiel. Carefully untying the string, Jared opens the rolled paper even with Jensen elbowing him back in return. As he reads the list, his eyes slowly widen as he goes down the list.

Jensen, who is also trying to read, notices Jared's reaction when Jensen finally gives up and waits his turn. Then he looks between the paper and Jared who only seems to be capable of staring at the slip and his mouth agape. "Well? You going to share or am I just going to have to guess?"

Jared shoves the paper in Jensen hands and turns to Castiel in complete shock. "Are you serious?"

Jensen gives Jared and Castiel one last questioning look before turning his attention to the piece of paper.

_Arc of the Covenant_

_Burning Bush_

_Lance of Longinus_

_Horn of Gabriel_

_Shears of Samson_

_Shroud of Turin_

Castiel studied Jared with what is becoming a common expression on Castiel when dealing with the two replacements, frustration and curiosity. "Of course I'm serious. This is no laughing matter. We need to find these weapons before Raphael finds out that they're hidden." Castiel's confusion fades and becomes somewhat more skeptical. "I thought it would be easier to assign ones you would be more familiar with."

Jared looks apologetic and almost embarrassed, meanwhile Jensen finally lets the list sink in and his eyebrows arched as high as they can. Jensen's expression only lasts a few seconds before he glances up at Castiel with a smirk, "Alright then. What's our gameplan?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**_A/N:_** **_I am SO sorry for the delay, I haven't forgotten about this! I've just been really busy with art commissions, NYCC, GISHWHES, art secret santas, blah blah excuses blah. Thanks for being patient with me! And thanks to everyone else who reviewed and/or read! I got moving again because some people started yelling at me for an update (which is good because I can be pretty lazy) and then I realized it's been over three months. Now I feel like an ass. I am so, SO sorry. _**

**_Don't get attached to any OCs. They're not big roles or even planned to have anything else to do in the story. I didn't even plan to introduce them. It just kind of happened. I was having a lot of fun with the mythology of angels. So I apologize for the OC explosion. I am full of apologies today it seems. If you are interested in any of the angels, they are all real (some harder to find information on than others) and most of their vessels in this story do have some relevance to what they are the angel of._**

**_emebalia_**_: I love _everyone_ in this series. Bobby is no exception. Oh! I didn't notice you quoted that part way back in chapter one. Not only that, but you managed to find the one line I went back and forth on using or not. Glad you liked it!__**  
AgentInvaderMinionofDoom**__: Funny story actually, meta!Jared was supposed to be the scared, kicked puppy-like character, but I wrote names in the wrong places back in chapter two. So, now you get meta!Jensen in that role instead (and kind of bi-polar it seems). I hope that's okay. And thank you, I'm doing much better now! I am E-Coli and flu free!__**  
DeanCasLover22**__: Thank you! Again, you've found another thing that's been worrying me (keeping everyone in character), so I am glad to hear you say so! And I have found I adore writing for Balthazar, so much that he may sneak into future fics... if I can ever get to them._


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: _**_Quick question. Do you guys prefer the long chapters or the short ones? Shorter ones mean I update faster, but obviously you get more to read with the longer ones._

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 6: Excuse Me While I Whip This Out**

Jensen should have expected Castiel's response of, "The 'gameplan' is to find the weapons before Raphael does. I thought that much was obvious."

It turns out that Jensen _wasn't_ anticipating that answer, however, and finds himself stumbling to ask for the details. He took so long that Jared noticed he needed to step in to finish Jensen's thought, "Nevermind, Castiel. So should we just find them in the order of the list, or do you have something else in mind?

Castiel seems to finally understand what the other two are getting at, and he nods at them almost more to himself than to Jared and Jensen. "Yes. I think it would be best to find them in this order."

At some point Jensen has found the ability to talk again, "So the Arc of the Covenant, huh? Are we talking like 'Raiders of the Lost Arc' or what?"

"I don't understand," Castiel stares questioningly at Jensen. "There were never any raid-"

"Nevermind," Both actors interrupt already knowing where this was going.

Looking dejected at not being able to finish, Castiel still nods his head again while looking at the ground. Jared shifts on his feet and glances at Jensen and then back to Castiel. Jensen also notices the change, "Dude. Are you pouting?"

It's then that Castiel looks back up clearly not amused, and Jared makes a point to kick Jensen in the shin before he says anything else. Jensen has decided he's had enough, "Seriously, what is your deal, Jared?"

Jared turns to glare at Jensen, "My _deal_ is you don't know when to keep your mouth shut!"

The bickering continues the same as it usually does for some time before Castiel has decided he's had enough and stomps up to the other two, firmly grabbing both of their shoulders. One moment the trio is in the empty and deserted gymnasium who-knows-where, and the next…

"Please tell me this is a really big beach." Jensen spins looking in every direction only finding sand around them and mountains far off in the distance.

It's blindingly bright and the two humans are already starting to sweat from the scorching, dry heat. The group is standing on what appears to be the only hard, dry patch of ground. The dirt is cracked from obvious lack of moisture and a very dull yellow bordering close to a grey. Either Jared and Jensen are adapting quickly to angel travel, or the heat is actually more uncomfortable than any motion sickness and bowel problems they pick up with flying. Wind picks up in the distance and before Jared and Jensen are thankful for it, hot air and sand blows across their face.

Jared starts removing a few layers of Sam's outfit and with the topmost shirt, he covers his head and face to protect himself from wrathful sun. "Where are we?"

Jensen copies Jared and Castiel seems completely unphased by the temperature though he does squint his eyes from the light to look at Jared, "Iraq."

Looking up abruptly from his effort to protect his skin from burning terribly, Jensen looks at Castiel dumbfounded, "Why are we in Iraq?"

Without a pause, Castiel answers in his usual gruff tone, "Because this is where the Arc is."

The small group starts walking through the blistering heat with Castiel in the lead. The two actors decided that they were not going to get details on the matter unless they asked for it in excruciating detail because Castiel seems to take all of their questions quite literally. The two also decided they probably didn't want to know considering all the luck they've had in the last few hours. Instead, Jared decides he wants to learn more about the angel they're traveling with and if he's as much fun to harass as Misha.

As if it's the most casual question to ask an angel of the lord Jared asks, "Can you really drink a liquor store?"

Castiel pauses and turns around to give Jared a confused look. Then, slight embarrassment crosses his features when he realizes complete strangers know about the incident, and he turns around and resumes walking, "Yes. I apologize, that was… one of my weaker moments."

Jensen glances at Jared wondering about the random question, but decides it's a good way to pass the time. Well, at least it's good when walking in a hot as hell desert in a country that a small amount of its population dislikes Americans enough to shoot them on sight. However, the same chances of being shot could also be said for several specific places in America. Considering which reality they currently are in, that's the least of their worries. "What about your wings?"

Castiel narrows his eyes but presses on to their destination, "What about them?"

"Can we see them? You know that angel peacocking thing you do." Jensen shoots a look to Jared in hopes of getting the other actor to agree with him for once.

"I don't under-"

"You know! That thing you did with Dean when you two first met." Jensen is gesturing with his arms though neither Jared nor Castiel know what he's trying to portray by doing so. "That whole badass scene where you strut in like you own the damn place, and to prove you're an angel you let those big shadowy wings encompass the whole back wall of that barn."

Pausing again, Castiel turns to look at Jensen as his curiosity has gotten the better of him. "I still don't understand what that has to do with that particular bird."

Rolling his eyes, Jensen stops beside Castiel determined to finish this conversation and hopefully get back to his original one. "No, that's not what I…" Jensen sighs dramatically, "I mean you were making yourself look badass in front of Dean like that, and of course Dean was stunned by the display and didn't know what to do but stare." And I really want to see that dammit, Jensen adds mentally on the end uncaring if the angel is reading his thoughts or not.

"But female peacocks only show their plumage to signal danger to her young, and males do so to attract…" Jared snickers at Castiel's comment and Castiel's eyes widen a hair when he finally thinks he realizes where the other human was going with the question.

To Jensen's displeasure, it wasn't where he wanted this conversation to go, and when Castiel turned around once more and walking a bit more briskly than before, Jensen kicks sand at Jared and mouths angrily, "Look what you did!"

Jared shrugs but guiltily so and mouths back to Jensen, "Sorry. It was funny."

Without looking back at the other two who continue to silently argue, Castiel growls out, "I was not _peacocking_."

Jared snickers again and this time Jensen can't help but join this time. When Castiel spins around and glares at the two, they both hold up their hands in an apology staring at the sand at their feet. They both manage to mumble out, "Sorry," but can't bring themselves to look the angel in the eyes. Angering their protection and only ticket home is not the best idea they've had by a long shot.

Castiel's anger softens now that the matter is settled, or is to him at least, and continues heading towards the mountains they've been slowly heading towards. It's a few minutes before anyone, namely Jensen, speaks again. "Man. You are nothing like Misha."

Clearly frustrated for not knowing yet another reference Castiel growls out, "For the last time, what is a misha?" He's quickly losing patience with their childish questions and bizarre references.

Jared and Jensen both stop and ponder on the question. Their eyes dart up and around and they shift their weight while they try to find the right answer. When Castiel doesn't get an answer, he stops and looks at the two to find them both heavily contemplating on what they've been asked. There are a few moments that both of them open their mouth to reply only to let it close again before returning back to their thoughts. Castiel watches them curiously because he wasn't expecting to stump them on the question.

Jensen's the first to finally answer when Jared shrugs at a loss of an answer, "You know, I'm not sure anyone knows the answers to that."

Attempting to get the group moving again so they can at least get some shade, Jared starts walking towards the mountains he's hoping is not a mirage. "I guess all you need to know is he's the guy, who's like us, that plays you."

Castiel catches on and starts walking along side Jared, "And this actor's name is, Misha?"

Jensen has started moving as well and both actors nod at the question. Castiel is intrigued that there is another man that looks exactly like his vessel and portrays himself and more than likely Jimmy as well. Their regard for their co-worker is confusing though. "Is he a peculiar man?"

Jared and Jensen look at each other before Jared answers, "That's one way of putting it, I guess." To be fair to him though, neither Jared nor Jensen can actually think of anything bad to say about the guy. He's a bit stuck up and arrogant now, but they wonder if a part of that is their own doing. They never really talked to him and, if they're both being completely honest, both of them have been arrogant since the show took off. Okay, fine. They've been outright dicks to _everyone_. Misha had actually been trying to be nice to them, and be 'one of the guys' so to say, but Jared and Jensen had just brushed it off as nothing with the exception of playing practical jokes on him. It wasn't long before Misha started acting as stuck up as Jared and Jensen has been. Maybe they could start righting things with everyone when they get back.

_If_ they get back.

The three walk on silently and if Castiel knows about Jared and Jensen's internal conflicts, he doesn't say anything on the matter. Approximately ten minutes later, ten minutes and 17 seconds according to Jensen's watch as he checked it almost every five seconds, the trio reach the edge of the mountains. Jared and Jensen exchange a look of confusion.

Jensen clears his throat and hesitantly approaches Castiel, "So… um. Are we climbing now?"

The angel faces Jensen and returns the confused expression, "No. Of course not. That would be ridiculous." Jared and Jensen smile and let out a relieved sigh before Castiel finishes, "We're going through it."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**_A/Ns continued:_** _I personally use 'Arc,' so I hope that doesn't bother anyone. I know the Indian Jones movie title is spelled 'Ark' but keep it the same to avoid confusion.  
_

_'Angel peacocking' was actually brought up in the commentary of "The French Mistake" (though they called it 'showing their junk'), so I touched on that a bit. Reminder that there are no actual pairings in this fic, just a lot of dumb references to them. Supernatural does it all the time so I feel entitled to… even if I don't actually own it. If you want to read it that way though, I won't stop you._

_Again, this is not how I view the actors in any way, this is just from what I gathered how they are portrayed in the episode. And as much as they 'hate' each other, they still share a lot in common, which is why they share very similar thoughts._

_I'm thinking that around the time that Jared and Jensen think about Misha wanting to be "one of the guys" is the same time Misha makes that tweet after running into Sam and Dean because even though it's an alternate reality, there is some sense of overlap and similarities between the two. Actually, you better not get me started on alternate realities (or time travel for that matter). I'll never shut up then._


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks for the reviews and for reading! I'm glad to hear people are still interested in this!_

(Unbeta'd and LOTS of notes at the end)

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 7: Badges? We Don't Need no Stinking Badges.**

Jared blinks and Jensen manages to sputter out a rather weak reply but amazingly in unison, "You want us to do what?"

Castiel stares at Jared and Jensen with a straight face so blank the actors have the urge to do something to break it or seize up in laughter at seeing Misha's… no Castiel's (Jimmy's?) face so serious followed by, "We're going to walk through the mountain."

Jensen scoffs more amused than annoyed, "And how exactly are we supposed to do that?"

Turning away from the two actors due to what he thinks are stupid questions, and he's not even drunk this time so it must really be a stupid one, Castiel walks towards the mountain wall. After glancing around the surface for a moment, Castiel stops in front of a section that is no different from the others.

Jared and Jensen can't help but watch curiously and it changes to complete surprise when Castiel pushes a perfectly square section of the rock forward with no effort at all. Jared looks to Jensen, who he is fairly confident that Jensen's eyes are going to pop out of their sockets, and then back to Castiel. "Oh. Right. Angel."

The hidden passage reveals a faint blue light from the interior that illuminates Castiel or is it coming from him? His eyes are brighter and there's definitely some kind of halo effect going on, but Jared pushes it aside when Castiel turns and gestures with his hands for Jared and Jensen to enter. When Jared enters the small and amazingly clean cut passage, he notices that the room is indeed glowing but not near as much as the celestial being behind him. "What... what is this place?"

Pulling Jensen along by his shoulder, because the human doesn't seem to have the ability to move on his own apparently, Castiel starts leading the small group down the passage. "This is the entrance to the second Holy of Holies. The Arc lies in the inner most chamber."

"The Holy of Holies?" Jared can't help but laugh, "Who came up with that one?" When Castiel simply glares at Jared, he coughs and immediately looks away.

It isn't long before the corridor opens up into a large, open space. The walls are smooth and have intricate paintings completely covering the surface. It even looks still wet as if it was just finished it's so perfect and clean. Strange torches that are more like hooded lanterns line across the wall about fifteen feet from the ground. Each one illuminates the room in the same soft, light blue glow the group first saw at the entrance and only stops about fifty feet up where it seems the ceiling continues on forever into the darkness of the mountain. The wall paintings themselves are of every possible color and vary from shapes and patterns to a beautiful Arabic script.

At the other end of the room is a huge archway that extends well past the line of the torches and is white marble and granite every other block and the floor appears to be made from the same marble as the portal. On either side are relief carvings of a man with large wings and the body of a bull or tiger looking towards the arch. The doorway itself is blocked off by a gorgeous, yet simple, diamond patterned lattice.

"Wow." Jensen finally pulls himself away from Castiel grip and slowly takes in his surroundings, "This is just… wow."

Jared seems to agree on the matter as he looks around the room smiling. Castiel, on the other hand, seems more interested in the others' reactions as his mouth twitches upward slightly before falling into a frown. He imagines the Winchesters' reaction would have been just rewarding, if not more.

After shaking himself from his thoughts, Castiel makes his way over to inspect the lattice archway. His frown deepens when he pushes on it and the lattice doesn't even budge. Jensen notices the angel's attention focused on the door as well as the fact that the glowing around Castiel has gotten stronger. "Do you need some help, Castiel?"

Castiel pries his gaze away from the door to look curiously at Jensen. To which Jensen looks around nervously expecting something bad to happen for speaking out, "What? What'd I say?"

"You both keep calling me Castiel." He's saying out loud more to himself rather than to Jared and Jensen.

Jared looks confused by the remark and can't stop from asking, "Well, it is your name isn't it?"

"Yes." Castiel knows what's bothering him but doesn't see the point of bringing up the matter, "Forget I said anything. It's not of import."

Jensen looks at Jared who shrugs, but they both seem to let the matter go and the two join Castiel by the archway. When Jensen places a hand on the lattice he immediately pulls his hand back as if it burned him. Jared and Castiel look at Jensen who is using his other hand to cradle the one he touched the lattice with.

Lightly smacking Jensen's shoulder, Jared tries to get a glimpse at Jensen's hand, "Dude, what? You okay?"

"Yeah. It's just… cold," Jensen is clearly pouting.

"Cold?" Jared raises an eyebrow skeptically.

Annoyed with the lack of sympathy from his co-worker Jensen starts yelling at Jared, "Yeah! Like really fucking cold! You know, the opposite of hot!"

Castiel keeps examining the doorway trying to find a way in and blocks out the others' discussion before he realizes he's being talked to, "I'm sorry?"

"I asked if you could just zap us in on the other side?" Jensen has stopped fussing with his hand as well as bickering with Jared.

"No. Something is preventing me from flying us to our destination." Castiel presses both hands against the lattice and starts running them across looking for any kind of clue. "Outside was the closest I could bring us. I would have brought us the whole way to save you the discomfort if I could."

Jared and Jensen look guilty about their complaining earlier before Castiel continues, "That was not meant to make you feel ashamed for your earlier behavior. You didn't know, and I'm sure what you felt was understandable."

Still feeling a little guilty, Jared nods and tries to change the subject and points to the two figures beside the door, "So, who are these guys?"

"They are what you call Assyrian guards. The Lamassu. These two are most likely representing Jael and Zarall." Jared and Jensen wait for Castiel to continue his explanation, and it's only when Castiel turns around to see why they are suddenly quiet that he realizes they were expecting more. "The twins, Jael and Zarall, are the cherubim guardians of the Arc of the Covenant."

Jensen is now inspecting the relief carvings especially since these are far more touchable than the lattice, "Do you think these have something to do with opening the door? Like why this one is a bull and the other is a lion?"

"It is unusual for the design to be asymmetrical in this way, but I don't think that is the clue we are looking for." When Jensen looks like he's upset that his idea was immediately shot down, Castiel decides to give him some encouragement, "But it was a good observation, and I think you're right that it has something to do with the carvings."

Smirking, Jared decides to chime in, "And why you're glowing."

Castiel looks bewildered until he actually takes a moment to inspect his vessel for the first time since entering the Holy of Holies. Everyone is surprised when Jensen pats Castiel on the shoulder, undoubtedly about to say something Castiel feels is likely to be unimportant, when the glowing intensifies.

Jensen's hand shoots back for a second time. "I didn't do it."

Realization flies across Castiel's features and he grabs a nervous Jensen followed by a nervous Jared. He stands in between the two humans facing the doorway, "I believe you will get your wish Jensen."

Before Jensen can answer, the glowing intensifies and dark shadows start manifesting behind them. Jensen and Jared stare in awe at what could only be the shadows of Castiel's wings as the angel patiently waits for the door to react. When the shadows of Castiel's wings line up with those of the carvings the lattice fades away as if it was never there. Once the path has been opened, Castiel's glowing completely fades and he hides his wings into safety again.

"Wait. So what just happened? Why did the door open?" Jared is still confused and a bit shaken from the sudden manhandling, but it's easing up more into curiosity.

"You were both correct. I only had just figured it out when Jensen caused my grace to manifest more at a touch." Castiel lowers his arms and approaches the now open doorway. "Jael and Zarall as well as the Lamassu are _protectors_. I swore that I would protect you for as long as you were in my care, so the door must have reacted to the oath as it were."

Jensen looks giddy about not only being able to get his request from earlier, but also help in solving the puzzle. Jared scoffs, but can't help but share the same feeling of accomplishment, "Quit being such a girl."

The happiness quickly dissipates and Jensen punches Jared in the arm. Hard. "Bitch."

"Jerk."

Castiel smiles.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**_A/N:_** _Happy (late) Valentine's! :)_

_And because I forgot to point it out in the actual chapter, the chapter with all of the OCs are based off of actual angels. All of the angels I come from some angel mythos and pulled from several sources, but not many details are given, so really they are only loosely based off of them._

_(Lots of history/mythos here so skip to the last paragraph if you're not interested)  
The reprobated angels include Uriel, Raguel, Inias, and so on. I assume these are the angels in the same garrison as Castiel with the tie ins to the three I listed (Raguel/Rachel) so I used a few of the others from the same list.  
The Spirits of Solomon are fallen angels that could either be seen as evil (and usually are depending who it is) but, again, there are not much details on them. Then again I haven't read all of the Lemegeton (not yet anyway), so I could be wrong. But who's to say some scriptures are completely accurate? I thought it would be nice to use something from the Lemegeton Clavicula Salomonis because it translates to "The Little/Lesser Key of Solomon." One of the devil's traps used in the show is a symbol depicted in the "Key of Solomon" (most notable grimoire) and I wanted to take care of the confusion over the multiple devil traps used on the show. I think the traps themselves depend on the level of the demon, and not only that but I think multiple religions should be taken into account. So far we've seen the "Key of Solomon" used and we've seen a pentacle being used and to be fair to the writers (regardless if they know or not) both symbols essentially stand for the same thing. _

_Going into a lot of Islamic angel (in this case Mala'ika) mythos for a bit (this chapter and possibly the next two) and this whole story includes mythos from several different religions and a lot of similarities between them. As for the Assyrian Guards/Lamassu, they can be attributed as the original cherubim. It's only that cherubs are seen like they are today because of holiday marketing. The Lamassu sculptures are commonly used at the entrances to palaces and temples and as I was using the twins (who are cherubim) as well as the Holy of Holies (yes that's it's real name) I thought that would be the best time to use them._

_Pretty much all I'm saying is that everything I write here is based off of some fact/mythos out there. I've been researching like a fiend (because I do that), so if you're curious about anything I have plenty of material I could share or refer you to. BTW the show itself has some crazy attention to detail about angels at least. Personally my enjoyment and experience for Supernatural practically doubled when I started finding all this stuff._

_And yes. Cas is missing the boys._


	8. Chapter 8

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 8: Nevermind that Shit, Here Comes Mongo!**

The outer room's impressive, but it's nothing compared to what lay beyond the lattice door. It's strange. Bizarre even. The room, if it could be called that, is _enormous_. At first glance it seems like a simple cavern, stalactites and stalagmites protruding from the floor and ceiling. Once they actually enter and find themselves standing on top of a circle marble floor in front of the entranceway, the room lights up. The light is warm and bright, but not blinding and seems to come out of thin air. There are no torches like the outer chamber and here it even has a comforting feel to it as if nothing could harm them in this… this sanctuary.

Now that the room is lit, Jared and Jensen see that the room does indeed have a cave-like appearance, but it adds to the marvel of the room. Columns are carved out from the rock that stat from the floor and reach the top, and the floor itself is tiled so that it went around the rocks. Reliefs are carved out from the rocks that emerge from the ground, but rather than changing the shape of the rocks, the designs are structured around the shape. It's almost like the designers didn't want to distract from the natural beauty of the cave itself. Veins of precious mineral and stone deposits are left unmined and run all throughout the stone in the room. Surprisingly, the room is still cut square despite the natural quality of the rest of this chamber. That's from what they can tell from one wall though. The room is so large, Jared and Jensen cannot tell how far out the side walls are. The wall they can see is polished smooth and, like the previous room, have intricate paintings and writing covering them.

Water could be heard in the distance and as clearly as a summer spring running in a forest. Jared and Jensen can't help their excitement at the thought of water after a long and grueling march through the desert.

Jared took more notice of the mural paintings on the wall and found his curiosity getting the better of him again, "Castiel, what is this?"

Turning to look at Jared and see what he is referring to, Castiel recognizes the mural. The mural is a angel with six-hundred green wings and two more angels on each side. The angels on the right are standing guard over a city during the day, whereas the ones on the left are guarding over the same city but during night. The central angel has a sun painted between his eyes. "Djibril and the hafazaa." Castiel has figured out that these history lessons with need some explanation just as the ones before and points to the angels on the left and then the angels on the right, "The hafazaa are mala'ika who guard against the jinn. Two stand guard during the day and two guard during the night."

Jensen looks slightly nervous, "There's jinn here?"

At first Castiel is confused, but he realizes where the miscommunication is, "My apologies. I am using the Islamic terms. Jinn in this case, are demons. The mala'ika are angels and Djibril is the name they gave to Gabriel."

Switching from jinn to demons only made Jensen's nervousness worse and decides to go back to looking at the large open cavern. Jared doesn't seem as bothered and steps closer to try to see the painting of Djbril closer, "Gabriel?"

Castiel frowns. Even though his brother caused the Winchesters and himself problems in the past, he still misses his brother dearly. "Gabriel is very popular in the Middle East, actually and especially in Israel. When Gabriel first… left, our brother Dubbiel took his place." Castiel shakes his head as he remembers, "It only lasted twenty one days. Gabriel came back to take the position away from Dubbiel, and once Gabriel secured his position back is when he left again. That's probably when he left to become a trickster. I suppose he found it humorous." His head droops slightly and his voice drops to a deep whisper, "Dubbiel didn't find it amusing, however. He was so upset over the whole ordeal that… he fell."

Raising his head, Castiel wants to change the subject and notices Jared still inspecting the painting of his archangel brother. "He doesn't really have six-hundred wings. Different cultures started giving him more wings as time went on. I can only assume he had something to do with that."

Jared huffs a laugh. That sounds like something the guy would do.

Once Jared seems to have his fill with the murals, he and Castiel turn to look at the room again. All of them are completely in awe of the sight. Castiel misses the days when humans respected the land seeing his father's greatest creations working together in harmony, but quickly pushes the thought aside. They are on a tight schedule and work needs to be done. "The innermost chamber lies ahead."

The angel's voice seems to break the trance-like hold the room has on Jared and Jensen. The two actors continue looking around, but they now follow behind the angel who is walking towards the other side of the room. As the group continues further into the mountain, the protective and safe feeling and warmth intensifies and the sound of running water gets louder. On top of that, the air that was once dry and arid becomes humid and dense. Some plants have even started appearing and are growing from what looks like soft earth.

After a few minutes, the trio finally comes to the source of the sound and weather change. It's nothing like what Jared and Jensen were thinking was hiding under this desert mountain. Although some of the columns and rock formations remain, everything suddenly opens up to a rainforest. The marble tiles are now a simple path leading to a large and beautiful, stone building that is well fit for the room. The columns on the outside match the ones throughout the cave, but from here they look a softer and more worn white without any paintings or color. Water pours down from fountains at the top of the building and down each ledge and finally over the columns of the final ledge into a moat that surrounds it. A stronger light seems to be hidden behind the water, causing the building and water to glow with a golden light. That must be where the Arc is being kept.

Castiel pauses as he surveys the sight, "The Hanging Gardens of Babylon."

Jared stares at it in wonder and almost laughs at the irony of that but is far too awestruck, "What? Really? I thought… I thought it was destroyed. Or it disappeared."

Jensen's eyes are also locked on the sight, "Wait, but we're not in Babylon." He manages to glance away to look at Castiel confused, "Are we?"

Kneeling, Castiel continues looking around determinedly. "It was crumbling due to neglect and the harsh weather and earthquakes, so we moved it here. Some of us couldn't stand to see something so beautiful destroyed." Castiel sighs and stares off into the distance as if he's remembering the memory as if it was yesterday. "We were a bit more… adventurous back then. Our Father allowed us to relocate the gardens mostly due to Gabriel's suggestion. He claimed it would be an excellent place to store and protect the Arc. And yes, Jensen. This is Babylon. "

Jared is curious to what Castiel is doing, but refrains from commenting on it. "So you've been here before?"

Castiel stands up and begins down the path again, "No. This is my first time seeing the Gardens. I'm glad they saved it." Jared and Jensen follow and Castiel continues searching around, "I have seen the original First Temple before it was destroyed, but I never saw the innermost chamber."

Dodging past a plant branch Jared pushed back and nearly hit Jensen in the face, Jensen glares at the other even though he knows it's pointless. He's too curious right now to get into an argument with his co-worker, "The Holy of Holies."

Castiel nods without facing them, "Yes." He resumes his way on the path, but slower than before, "My brothers will undoubtedly be waiting guard."

As if on cue, two forms emerge from under the waterfall in front of the doorway. Jared and Jensen duck behind one of the large columns and Castiel a position behind a tree. Jensen, feeling more adventurous than before, peeks around from his hiding pace to get a good look at the angels. From what he can tell, the one on the left looks like a Caucasian American soldier complete with uniform. The one on the right looks Islamic and is in light, white clothes. Both men are about the same height and have just started playing paper, rock, scissors. "Huh. Well, they don't look so bad."

Jared peeks around to get a good look for himself. Jensen continues watching the two play and sees the American lose the first time and the other do a little victory dance, "Man, it would be so much nicer if everyone got along like this."

Jared's eyes go wide and he looks over to Castiel. Castiel appears to focused on his brothers to see Jared trying to get his attention. Waving and flailing a few times doesn't seem to work either so Jared starts whispering, "Castiel. Hey, Castiel!"

Still no response.

He spots a small rock and Jared tosses it over near Castiel. Well, he tried tossing it near Castiel. Instead the rock hits the angel square in the head and Jared grimaces when Castiel turns to glare at Jared. "Sorry, but I have to know. Jael and Zarall, what class are they again?"

Castiel doesn't see where this is going, but answers anyway, "They are of the highest Cherubim."

Jared smiles and goes back to looking at the other two angels. The American apparently won this time and is breakdancing. Jensen pats Jared's shoulder, "These guys are pretty cool."

"I've got an idea." Jared steps out from behind the column and starts walking towards the angels.

Jensen and Castiel watch nervously as Jared approaches Jael and Zarall who have stopped playing and have their absolute attention on Jared. Both Jael and Zarall's eyes narrow and go for their angel blades, but Jared holds up his hands in surrender and the two relax slightly. The two start tensing up again as Jared continues approaching and Castiel is about to intervene, but Jared suddenly stops and holds out both arms in a welcoming manner. Jensen catches on and emerges from his spot. Again the two guards tense up but when Jensen copies Jared and holds out his arms, the two angels' bottom lips start to quiver.

Castiel finds himself only able to watch what is transpiring. His brothers have not moved and no longer look hostile. In fact, they look like they're pouting. It seems that neither Jael nor Zarall are going to move until Jared also pouts out his lip and uses his hands to wave the two towards him. That was all it took and the two disappear only to reappear right in front of Jared and Jensen sobbing. The soldier has put himself completely in Jensen's arms with his own arms wrapped around Jensen's neck and the other is hugging Jared tightly and swinging him around.

Castiel slowly approaches unsure what to do. The one who has himself wrapped around Jensen sees Castiel and smiles disappearing off of Jensen to leap upon his brother. The one holding Jared sets him down and does the same. The two have Castiel squished between them and are hopping around in a circle happily. Jared and Jensen can't help but laugh at the sight.

Once the hugs were out of their system, Jael and Zarall release Castiel and are beaming. "Brother! It is so good to see you!"

A faint smile crosses Castiel's face, "And it is good to see you both as well." The smile quickly fades. The fun is over and now it's time to get back to the task at hand. "I only wish it was under happier circumstances."

Jael and Zarall look at Castiel worried. The soldier speaks up first, "Brother, what's wrong?"

Castiel doesn't want to tell them, but he has no choice. He fills in his brothers on the details of the current civil war in heaven, and it crushes him more and more as his brothers' expressions fall and pale as he catches the two up to date. Jared and Jensen tried passing the time playing rock, paper, scissors but lost the desire as the mood started to become sour.

The soldier, Don Richardson, according to his vessel's dog tags is suddenly serious. "Then we'll help. We know these two can't even look at the Arc without their eyes burning out and you can't move it by yourself, so we'll move it to wherever you need it."

The other angel steps forward and places a hand on Castiel's shoulder, "We are with you brother. We don't want anything to happen to Our Father's most precious creations."

Castiel smiles and his brothers disappear. He then turns to face Jared and Jensen who are already standing and waiting. Jensen smirks, "So burning bush, huh?"

Grabbing them both by the shoulders they disappear to their next location.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_A/Ns: Sorry that update took a while. The intermission fic I made took longer than I thought it would. Hope you enjoyed it though. I also apologize for not keeping to past or present tense. Once this story is finished, I will go back and fix the tense mistakes. If you see it update after I mark it's complete it's because I'm fixing everything. Also, the pronoun game. I hate it. I know none of the angels have a gender per se, but for the purposes of writing I will use pronouns that pertain to the vessels the angels are using. I still refer to the angels calling each other 'brother' regardless because they were all once brother-in-arms at one point._

_Supernatural already used the reference/quote "Candy gram for Mongo" in the episode 'Frontierland.' So I went with this quote instead. It seems they had a lot of Blazing Saddles references in Season 6._

_Look at all that history and mythology! It seems to be getting worse per chapter. I will try to keep from geeking out too much in the furture. In my defense, it is pretty difficult given the plot.  
Babylon is interestingly enough, located in Iraq. I will admit that I had this planned out before I did research on the matter and simply got REALLY lucky. Though I suppose it's possible my brain secretly remembered and forgot to bring me up to speed. All the bits about Gabriel are based on research I've done and because no one's mythology lines up exactly I took a few (though very few) liberties. Also, all the cherubim liking hugs is something I completely blame Supernatural for._

_And this is my way of explaining why Don, Amelia's husband, was presumed dead. I figured since the guy is kind of a jerk (though a good deal is understandable) I would give him something cool to do. I know Don was stationed in Afghanistan and not Iraq, but I had Zarall grab him since he was the closest vessel at the time and he just flew the rest of the way._


End file.
